Getting Families to Loosen Up
The very first thing I do when a session starts—before I take out my camera—is have a quick chat with the parents. Nothing super formal, just a little expectation-setting moment to shift the energy. I’ll say something like:
“We’re going to let the kids lead today. A lot of this shoot will just be vibing off of their energy. It’s okay if they get kind of wild - I know that can feel stressful for parents but it truly produces the best photos when we just go with it. ”
This does a few things: it gives parents permission to stop worrying, it helps everyone relax before we start, and it sets the tone that this isn’t about performance—it’s about being together. If the kids are really little (3 or younger) I also let them know that if the kids or babies cry, that is completely okay - it doesn’t phase me, and we will work around it.
And that conversation makes everything that comes after go a whole lot smoother.
The First Few Minutes
Right after that, I move quickly into what I call the “safe shots.” These are the ones where everyone’s looking at the camera and smiling—nothing too wild yet. I get these done early, while the kids are still fresh and the grownups aren’t sweating yet. I know how much these mean to parents and grandparents, and I want to make sure we get them before the energy shifts and the kids are a little easier to direct. I keep it simple, fast, and painless.
If the kids aren’t cooperating for these, and we’re doing some sort of activity in the session (flying a kite, snowcones, anything fun) I always try and emphasize that once we get these photos done, we get to move on to the activity.
Once those are done, we let things loosen up.
The Shift into Play
After the posed photos, I transition into more relaxed and playful prompts. The goal is to keep the kids engaged and help everyone settle into a rhythm that feels like them. Some go-to things I love to do:
“On three, everyone hug Mom!” Then we switch and do Dad. Sometimes instead of ‘hug’ I’ll say ‘tickle’ - usually I do this if the kids are feeling a little quiet or grumpy and this tends to loosen them up.
“Run to me as fast as you can!” Then I’ll have them run back and tackle Mom or Dad in a big hug. This is great for toddlers, or kids just a bit older - they usually love that they are getting to run around for photos!
For the adults, I keep prompts simple and natural:
“Pull them in for a hug and don’t let them go.”
“Whisper something ridiculous in their ear.”
These aren’t meant to be performance-y—they’re meant to invite real connection in a way that doesn’t feel forced or stiff. And I adjust based on the family’s vibe. Some kids are wild and need space to run. Some are more reserved and need a little extra warming up. I don’t have one formula—I just respond to whatever energy I’m getting and go from there.
The prompt for this photo was a simple ‘alright now bounce him around a little bit!’ directed towards Dad and it is such a cute moment.
What I Don’t Do
There are also some things I don’t do during family sessions—and I think that’s just as important:
I don’t ask kids to smile or tell them to “say cheese.” If a smile happens, great. If not, that’s okay too. I *do* sometimes remind the parents to smile - I know from experience that they can get really focused on talking to their kids that they forget, and they will love the photos so much more if they’re smiling.
I don’t push through if someone’s clearly done. We’ll take a break or switch things up. If there are multiple kids, I’ll focus on getting shots of the other siblings while they calm down. Sometimes I’ll shift the pace by having a child sit quietly in a parent’s lap or suggest a little rest moment that doesn’t feel like a “break.” We might just sit and chat or explore something nearby. It’s low-stakes, and those moments often lead to really sweet photos.
I don’t say “just one more” if they’re visibly over it—because it’s usually not just one more.
I don’t correct behavior or ask anyone to “be good.” Sometimes parents can stress if they feel their kids are acting out in front of me, so I really try and verbalize that the kids are doing great, that they aren’t misbehaving at all, and how good the photos are turning out.
This is an example of an ‘everyone tickle *insert family member name*’ and is one of my favorite prompts!
At the end of the day, my job is to create space for the real stuff to happen—not to control every second. A session is successful when the family walks away feeling like they were able to be themselves, even with a camera around.
It doesn’t have to be chaotic, and it doesn’t have to be perfectly polished either. The best sessions usually land somewhere in between!
